Hej igen mina kära läsare,
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I want to start this blog by apologizing for my absence this last month and my attitude in my blog entries this year. Some events since this spring have made me quite upset. Being away in Mallorca and Göterborg for these past weeks have given me the opportunity to unlock my buried thoughts. Building up to this summer, it was suppose to be one of the greatest in my life perhaps even in my lifetime. The adventures I was going to experience, the chance to work for the very first time and the dreams that I have work so hard on since the 1st grade were finally going to come true. However, life doesn’t always happen the way we want or planned. Dreams are scattered, friendships disintegrate (perhaps they were never there) and trust, love and happiness are destroyed. To face all life’s hardness in one summer led me to doubt life itself. All these experiences did not only make me sad but even led me to loathing myself to all depths (was it my fault?). Is it really worth living with all this corruption? What happen to the Disney endings of “happy ever after”? All I know is after this summer my life and who I am changed forever. And it all started with one simple “mistake”.....
I have always considered myself to be rather down-to-earth. My family always says I have my grandfather’s heart (morfars hjärta). Like him, I see no bad side in anyone, no limitations or boundaries and believing in this, the goodwill in people, has made me strong and cheerful. This summer, I realised that although there may be good in most people perhaps it doesn’t exist in everyone. For example, being mean for the fun of it or out of jealously is a little bit cruel. The point is this summer changed me and more specifically there is one event that broke my heart;”the mistake” of a so called friend.
It started out normally...hanging out then things quickly got out of hand. I tried to ignore it... It couldn’t have happened. How did I let it happen? What’s wrong with me? As the famous saying says it’s easier to forget then to face. “Let’s just ignore it” “let’s just pretend it never happened” why would I say that.... I didn’t mean it. I just wanted the memory of what happened to disappear... It took a while before I realized that this wasn’t right. Things can never go back to how it was before. I told my best friend... then I couldn’t hold it in. What had actually happened? The shock was over. It was wrong and not a “mistake”. These sorts of things do not happen. I told P, he deserved to know. He was devastated as was I (I’m lucky to have u P). After it came out, my family helped me a great deal (they were the voice of reason and love), my friend supported me (even if I didn’t go to the police) and P was there for me every step of the way.
Many say that I still have the goodwill inside and perhaps it is what saved you this time. Nothing you say will make this better; your actions have proven your identity. You are foul and you betrayed me. I am hurt, I am hurting and I will never forgive you. I do not feel sorry for you and no one should. You made your bed it is time you lay in it. You only have yourself to blame.
Although this summer broke into a million pieces, I’ve promised myself to be strong and move forward. The brilliant words of “not getting stuck on life sores” have made me realise who I want to be. I promise you this for those who are reading. I will improve. With the luck of a second chance at my dream, it proves that I’m more than ready to be in charge of my Identity.
Xox Anki Xox
I have always considered myself to be rather down-to-earth. My family always says I have my grandfather’s heart (morfars hjärta). Like him, I see no bad side in anyone, no limitations or boundaries and believing in this, the goodwill in people, has made me strong and cheerful. This summer, I realised that although there may be good in most people perhaps it doesn’t exist in everyone. For example, being mean for the fun of it or out of jealously is a little bit cruel. The point is this summer changed me and more specifically there is one event that broke my heart;”the mistake” of a so called friend.
It started out normally...hanging out then things quickly got out of hand. I tried to ignore it... It couldn’t have happened. How did I let it happen? What’s wrong with me? As the famous saying says it’s easier to forget then to face. “Let’s just ignore it” “let’s just pretend it never happened” why would I say that.... I didn’t mean it. I just wanted the memory of what happened to disappear... It took a while before I realized that this wasn’t right. Things can never go back to how it was before. I told my best friend... then I couldn’t hold it in. What had actually happened? The shock was over. It was wrong and not a “mistake”. These sorts of things do not happen. I told P, he deserved to know. He was devastated as was I (I’m lucky to have u P). After it came out, my family helped me a great deal (they were the voice of reason and love), my friend supported me (even if I didn’t go to the police) and P was there for me every step of the way.
Many say that I still have the goodwill inside and perhaps it is what saved you this time. Nothing you say will make this better; your actions have proven your identity. You are foul and you betrayed me. I am hurt, I am hurting and I will never forgive you. I do not feel sorry for you and no one should. You made your bed it is time you lay in it. You only have yourself to blame.
Although this summer broke into a million pieces, I’ve promised myself to be strong and move forward. The brilliant words of “not getting stuck on life sores” have made me realise who I want to be. I promise you this for those who are reading. I will improve. With the luck of a second chance at my dream, it proves that I’m more than ready to be in charge of my Identity.
Xox Anki Xox
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